the waiting time

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Holding on

 

Waiting for the biopsy result was a gruesome experience. Doubts. Fear. Hope.

I felt severe itchiness in my body. The bilirubin was acting up and causing havoc in my body. It came to a point that I banged my body to the wall to ease the itch. I couldn’t sleep properly. Insomnia.

I started to turn yellow.

My body was in total chaos.

I puked the food that I eat.

I lost my appetite.

The visit to the hospital caused me nausea.

The waiting game kept me paranoid.

The tumor marker result came in early. It was not malignant. There was hope.

But the doctor, slapped me with reality. The tumor marker result was not conclusive and the biopsy was the only reliable test. They said that I need to prepare myself for the result. They wanted me to go back to the Philippines for medical treatment immediately because it was costly in KSA. From their initial prognosis, it was cancer.

I was flabbergasted.

I was discharged from the hospital to avoid sepsis or infection. I went home and wallowed.

Self-pity.

The warrior in me started to accept defeat.

Until, I realized that my life was not mine. God gave me an opportunity to live 35 years and there are a lot of blessings that I should be thankful for.

Paradigm shift.

I am a strong person.

A knight.

Why should I lose hope?

Optimism.

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